emotional eating or why I can't stick to a diet

I have come to the conclusion in my life that there are two types of eaters. Those who eat when they are stressed or emotional and those who don't. I am the latter. As a child I was never taught to deal with my emotions in healthy ways. Any feelings, woe betide they be negative ones, were ignored. I had to supress virtually every feeling I had. I realise my parents (whilst I do not want to be negative about them especially as I know they did their best and always what they thought was right) don't do emotions. I have never seen them cry or show any emotion about anything, except anger that was usually directed at me on rareish occasions when I guess I was very infuriating. This summer I realised why I hate being ignored.  Someone was not speaking to me and I remembered  my mum said once that she faced me to the wall when I was strapped in my highchair because 'it was the only thing that worked'. I can only assume I was either crying or doing something else that was deemed to be undesirable and she felt she had to get the better of me and 'win' and in doing so had to find a way to demonstrate and use her power over me. No wonder I hate being ignored now. Another trick was to take a wooden spoon out with us to threaten me with if my behaviour was not of the desirable nature. This happened a lot as far as I could remember. I also remember being like a mini robot, doing what I was told, I think maybe I gave up the will to have a mind of my own somewhere in between being ignored and being smacked. I remember being confused and I remember feeling like I did not fit in. I remember wondering if anyone loved me and I remember withholding bowel movements (which went on for years) which was discussed with disdain, often in front of me (horror of all horrors). It is so obvious to me now that my bodily functions were the only thing I had any control over and how it became a battle. Poor little me with the big (sometimes very big) problem. When I was six I refused to wear sleeveless dresses, I remember the shock I caused because I dared to state an oppinion. I have freqnently been told I have given my children too much choice. Why can't they have choices, and learn to make these in childhood. At least I can provide a safe space for them in which they are able to make the wrong choices and learn from them.  Hopefully they won't decide to marry the first person who comes along just to get away from me. I still feel criticised and judged by them, and have only received one compliment from them each as far as I can remember. Anyway, that's just the start of the crap. Maybe if this was all I had to deal with then things would be easier for me, I have always eaten to push down the feelings that become overwhelming to me. I grew up with the story being told about me that I could never get enough food, when one bottle was gone I would scream for the next one (aparantly) and I would always be made to finish every morsel on my plate, even if I had not asked for it or didn't want it. Worse, I could not have any sweets, which were very controlled, unless I ate everything I had been given first, and even worse, if I was naughty the first punishment was the removal of these daily sweet rations. wow, is it any wonder I have struggled with food for my whole life. As feelings were never talked about or dealt with I think I must have eaten to forget what was happening. I would never go in my parents cupboards or fridge and help myself to anything, even a drink without asking first, never have. If then, I grew up with negative image of myself and food, plus food being used as a reward, is it any wonder that food for me is far  more than fuel for my body or something to enjoy. The more stress I have in my life the worse I am. I have had some big losses in my life and coping wth some stuff is a daily struggle.